Messages for Parents
 

 

 

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Here are some words of advice to parents on how to help children cope with separation and divorce - words of advice from children who have been through it themselves.


Talk to your children about what's happening –
help them understand

Well really the children have got to understand first. The parents are going to have to talk them through it… bit by bit like. What your father did, why you split up, and try to make them understand at first what divorce is all about… it's not going to be that bad…and just try to help the children understand. Maybe that will get them through it better.    
Claire (aged 10)

I suppose, they should discuss with the child, what exactly is happening and maybe give the child some time on his own to think about what is going on, and then discuss if he wants anything.      
Robert (aged 13)

Don’t ignore your children –
take their views into account

It's not just the parents' feelings - just because they're getting divorced - it's the children as well.  So they got to take notice of what they're saying. They shouldn't just leave them out like it’s got nothing to do with them. 
Sarah-Jane (aged 14)

Well, involve them and talk to them and ask them questions and see what they want to do, to find out how they're feeling about it, not like leave them out.
Libby (aged 13)

Be honest

[Parents] shouldn't start, you know, making up stuff… shouldn't come up with LIES to hide stuff. They should say the ABSOLUTE TRUTH.      
Robin (aged 13)

Don’t argue in front of your children

Definitely don't argue in front of the children, ‘cos they don't really want to know what you think of each other, because they've seen you together all their life. They just don't understand.      
Siān (aged 14)

Try not to argue in front of them. Talk about things, just talk but not in front of them.
Bryony (aged 12)

Avoid making your children feel stuck in the middle

Don’t talk to the children about how much the other parent is wrong. Like Mum tried to tell me that Dad is so selfish and he wants all the money all the house and everything. Dad tried to tell me that Mum like, is not letting him do anything and she's been really horrible about it. That's what they shouldn't do, cos it just makes me feel upset.     
Libby (aged 13)


Reassure your children

They should break it to them lightly and easily and they should re-assure them about stuff like 'You WILL see your other [parent]'. It's not like you'll never see them again. You can see him when you want, speak to him when you want, anything. Re-assure them about that.     
Damian (aged 13)


Make sure that they know that they're loved. Don't EVER make them feel responsible, EVER. It's TOTALLY unfair and totally out of order. You let them know what's going on, you say, 'Look, we're not getting on, but whatever happens Mummy and Daddy still love YOU very much.
Ceri (aged 15)

Move on - don’t dwell on the past

Try yourself to get on with your life, because if you become happier then they might feel that they can move on as well. Because I mean, if the parents just keep going on about it all the time it's obviously going to make the children feel really sad. It's going to be hard for the children to get over it.      
Julie (aged 12)

I reckon if I was going to give parents advice, which I've never done before, I'd say, 'Try not to fight. Just get the thing over and done with and just get on with your lives.'     
Tim (aged 10)