Advice

Here are some words of advice for children who may be facing their parents' separation or divorce from children who have been through it themselves:

"You will get through it"

"I’d say be strong, don’t worry about it because you’ll get through it in the long run."       
Catherine (aged 12)


"It’s very hard at first because you just don’t want them to split up, but you’ll get through it eventually....
and life will just be normal."
Emy (aged 10)


"Express your feelings"

"Write it down, get it out of your system. Tell a friend or someone who isn’t particularly on one side or the other."
George (aged 10)


"Be able to talk about it ‘cos it doesn’t help to just clam things up. It’s important to understand that you are in a situation that an AWFUL lot of people have been in and it’s ok."     
Ceri (aged 15)


"Don't blame yourself"

"After a while I realised you mustn’t take the blame on yourself … it’s not the child’s fault when parents get divorced … that child must not take it upon themselves, THAT’S TOTALLY NOT ON."     
Ceri, aged 15


"Tell their kids it is nothing to worry about. It ain’t their fault that they are splitting up."  
Nick (aged 12)


"Keep things as normal as possible"

"I’d probably say - try not to worry about it and carry on doing things as normally as possible." 
Libby (aged 11)


"I’d just say - forget it and just get on with what you are doing really. You see it will all pass over you
and you’ll just get used to it."    
Tony (aged 10)


"Try to help your parents"

"Just try to help whoever you spend most time with. Just try to help them on while they are going through it, to make it easier. Just try to behave and stuff like that, help around the house."    
Aaron (aged 12)

"My advice would be to comfort your parents whenever they need it."     
Micky (aged 13)



"Keep out of parental arguments"

"Be aware ‘cos they might start calling each other names. Then just stay out of their conversations and don’t go barging into it, just leave them alone."     
Joe (aged 8)

"I’d warn not to get caught up in their arguments – if there’s any fighting or bad arguments, just walk out or something 'cos that’s what I done."     
Keith (aged 11)

Things that would help would be if they had a favourite cuddly toy or something, to talk to them about things, ‘cos they’ll just keep it a secret, they won’t tell anyone."     
Rachel (aged 10)

"I think that talking is one of the best ways that helps. You can get over it if you’ve got some rabbits or any kind of pet. Just talk to them, they might not be able to speak but it’s very good."    
Michael (aged 10)

"Expect your family to change a bit but don’t let it affect you too much, but be ready for traumas." 
Shaun (aged 12)

"Try and come to terms with it and try to look towards the future and prepare yourself for what might happen."   Julie (aged 12)

"You can still see your parents and they love you. They both still love you. So it’s not that bad, apart from the fact that they don’t live together."    
Bryony (aged 12)

"Sit my friend down and tell him everything I know about it … That you Mum and Dad still love you. That it will change you for the better. You’ll still get to see them both. It will probably be better ‘cos you’ll be spoilt by them!"    
Daniel (aged 14)

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