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Children's Coping and Support Networks | |
| Change and balance Communication and legal aspects
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I make myself happy, I go out to my friends, have a laugh, go down the park and sometimes I watch a video - a funny video - I watch that to cheer myself up. Jonny, aged 10 A few children turned to more aggressive or destructive means such as tantrums or causing minor damage to property. I always used to get this temper and have tantrums and everything. I was mad at him and I takes my anger out on other people rather than my Dad. Nick, aged 12 Parents were the most obvious providers of emotional support, information and advice for children. Not all children received support from a parent; some felt their parents were unable to help because they simply did not understand, were too upset, or had ‘moved on’ and did not wish to be reminded of the past. My Mum, because she was upset, she didn't really talk to me much… she was always upset and I couldn't really say to her, 'I'm upset, I need a really good chat with you'. Louise, aged 12 Parents did not appear to be able to assess accurately the impact of divorce on their children; they seemed to over-estimate the negative effects on children's behaviour and under-estimate the effects on their emotional well-being. Less than a quarter (24%) of the children felt it had helped to talk to a sister or brother. Children did not usually consider siblings as a possible source of support. Various reasons were given for this: they felt they were too young; too involved themselves; they did not get on well together; or they were experiencing the divorce differently. It probably would've helped if I could talk to Jane [sister], but we're always fighting, so it wouldn't work. Ted, aged 10 Other relatives, especially grandparents, were valued, particularly as a source of time, attention and reassurance. Grandparents’ homes were often viewed as ‘safe’ or ‘neutral’ territory in which to take refuge from what was happening at home. Who did you go to, to talk about it? My Nan… because she'd let me speak my mind and she'd let me say what I'd have to say. Robin, aged 11 For many children their most important relationships were with friends. Selected, close friends, who could be trusted were felt to be more likely to understand and ‘speak the same language’, especially if their parents had also separated. Over half (57%) of the children said they had no unrelated adult to whom they could talk. Some found individual teachers helpful, and most were glad when teachers knew about the divorce, not so much to provide support but to understand any changes in their behaviour. Children would have appreciated being able to access support themselves, for example through help-lines and the internet. Well, it probably would have been nice, like with this thing you are doing now for KIDs. It probably would've been helpful having that, having someone to talk to, or a phone line or something you could just ring up and give them your problems. Ted, aged 10
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