Change and balance

Change and Balance

Children initially viewed some changes brought about by the divorce in terms of loss, most acutely loss of the non-resident parent, leaving an ‘empty space’ in the child’s life.

Just missing my Dad really. I mean it's all very well me seeing him twice a week, but that's really not enough. I mean, you'd like him there everyday, you know. Julie, aged 12

Almost half (43%) of the children were asked their opinion on which parent they would like to live with. Most regarded being asked to choose between parents as too great a burden.

When we had to say who we wanted to live with, that was the hardest part, because at the time I didn't want to hurt my Dad's feelings or my Mum's feelings. Damian, aged 13

Children, however, did want their opinions considered when it came to arrangements for residence and contact - they saw this as being only right and fair.

Children worried about having to move house, losing friends and having to change school, as these were a means of preserving a sense of continuity in their lives. In the event, most children reported a new equilibrium had emerged as they became used to the new arrangements.

         It’s very hard at first because you just don’t want them to split up.
         You’ll be very sad at the beginning because of not having your Dad
         around, but then it'll just come automatically that your Dad lives
         somewhere else and life will just be normal.                   Emy, aged 10

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